It has passed 10 days since I came to the USA with out even noticing it. I had mad a promise to myself and to my friends that I will update my blog. When I was in Istanbul the topics of my blog was about the issues of the daily life, but I have a feelıng that the topıcs wıll be different here. Sometimes I will reach to myself from a fact, sometimes I will start from my “nafs” (self) and reach out to the horizon.
Writing has always thought me new things about myself and it made me realize that I am learning.
I am thanking Allah, for giving us the pen as a method and tool of self-knowledge and with that said I am starting to write now.
I want to share with you the story of me coming to the USA. Yet just as I was beginning to write you my story of me coming to the USA I remembered a story from my childhood instead, which will help you understand my habit, so we will start from there.
My parents and my brother in law was drinking tea and chatting in our small living room in our small home. I was playing with my dolls, with one ear I was listening to their chat, and with other I was listening to imaginary conversations of my dolls. At some point the conversation heated up, and they came to the topic of making a summerhouse on our land in Northwest of Turkey. After long argues they decided to build a twin villa in the middle of the land.
There was going to be a house with two enters in the front, a twin house standing shoulder to shoulder like my mother and my ant, whom have standed all these years shoulder to shoulder. A warm and cute home which will beleaguer all of us.
As I remember, at some point when they were talking about the details of the house I raised up immediately because I didn’t wanted to waste my time any more.
In a basket, which I could find at that moment, I put the things, I thought I would need in our trip to our summerhouse, and I took some of my toys and I was ready to hit the way. I went to my parents, they were confused by the little girl whom stood in front of them with a basket in her hand and was so ready to go immediately to a summerhouse witch didn’t even existed.
I remember that they couldn’t found any sensible responses to give to this naive, impetuous child. I couldn’t understand why they were confused.
To be honest if this case occurred today, I know that I would immediately take action just as I did when I was a little girl, so I can confess that I am still having hard time to understand why my parents were confused at that moment.
My story of coming to the USA is approximately similar to this story. It was 5-6 years ago. It was one of the carefree afternoons and we were chatting along the seaside in South Turkey with my teacher, Mother Cemalnur. She noticed the book I was careening around hoping to find a chance to read. She asked the name of the book, and I handed the book to her. It was a book of assembled articles about the complicated issues of Sufism by William Chittick. I was reading it when I found some free time; I was taking notes about the book. After she went through the pages thoroughly, she asked me if I understood, and if I was having pleasure reading this book.
I said yes, and that I am enjoying it very much.
Mother Cemalnur, started to her words with openness beyond reasonable doubt, and said, “You should immediately go to the USA and study with William Chittick.” She continued with many compliments and a long talk about how good it is going to be, living in the USA and working with William Chittick.
When I was listening to her in a state of embarrassment, I remember that the attraction of the word “immediately” had enveloped my entire body.
So much so that it was very hard for me to wait for my teacher to finish her words before I took an action. While she was talking, I was dreaming about the books I was going to take with me, I was tasting the stress of the exams I might intend, and I was balancing this stress whit thinking of the beautiful places I will see.
That day passed, it became tomorrow. That day was the first day of “me going to the USA immediately”.
As you all know I couldn’t go to the USA that day.
That is why that day turned in to the day of “me not being able to go to the USA”. It was a very long and exhausting one day until I finally came here on 4th of October 2013.
Until the day I came to the USA, starting from the day that Mother Cemalnur told me to go to the USA immediately; nothing changed my perception, the happiness’s haven’t satisfied me, and I didn’t saw the deficiencies.
The thing that concerned me was not about, not being able to go to a distant country or not being able to study with a professor; it was about me dropping the words of my teacher to the ground.
Or Insan-ı Kamil’s (Perfect Human) understanding of the word “immediately” was different than mine, but I was feeling like I disobeyed to her.
As I figured that it was the comprehending of the word “immediately” that was different. Apparently the word “immediately” had different meanings in Insan-ı Kamil’s dictionary.
I told this to my self many times I thought that I had understood. But I was mistaken. Today when I was walking at Harvard Square I deeply felt that, it couldn’t be any better time to be in the USA than today. Right here in this year, in this day and in this moment.
I am taking a new lease of life. I am going to university again, I am a student again, and I am in a state in my life where I can live my life not trying to live it but trying to understand the meaning of it.
I did this once, but I was novice back than. Now I taste being a professional student. What I mean is being continues student not because I have to, but as a life style.
What more could I possibly want?
These were the words passing through my hearth. Sincerely being satisfied with the direction of my life I sat down in a café in Harvard Square and opened my laptop and I immediately got an answer. I bumped into a text of İbn’ul Arabi, this text was putting a last point to all my concerning’s I had all these years and to an argument which my soul finally had overcome:
“The ‘existence’ and ‘nonexistence’ of the entities about which we have been speaking pertain to the cosmos, the phenomenal world. But the phenomenal world, which is ultimately wojud itself. In Koranic terms, God ‘creates’ the universe and each thing within it. And God is not only infinite wojud; He is also infinite and eternal knowledge. He knows all things forever, even before He creates them, and He knows them in all the details, which they will manifest during their sojourn in the cosmos. God’s knowledge of the things corresponds precisely to the things as they are in themselves. The ‘thing in itself’ is known as the ‘reality’ (haqiqa) of the existent thing or its ‘immutable entity’. Hence the entities remain forever immutable in the knowledge of God, which never changes, while in relation to the cosmos they may be either existent or nonexistent. The things within God’s knowledge are sometimes called the ‘nonexistet objects of knowledge; their plurality cannot bring about plurality in wojud any more than plurality of our own ideas causes our minds to have many parts.”
Time does not exist in the sight of God nor for the Insan-ı Kamil who is always in the presence of God. In the dictionary of Insan-ı Kamil there is no difference between now and after because when they look at a seed they see the tree.
Like the starting and ending point of a circle are in the same point, for the one who owns the time; now and after are also at the same point. Nowadays I believe I understand the meaning of “immediately” better. Even though the starting and the ending point of a circle are in the same point, to reach that level one must walk a long road.
God help us understand this wisdom immediately. Amen
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